sunshine above my head

dr tadi aku mghadap page create post tp aku x taip2. aku x taw nak tulis ape.

satu beban dah lepas. web design aku dah htr. tp mmg best giler ar buat sorg. padahal kerja group. member yg ckp bg hari rabu x bg2 lepas tu ckp postpone hari slasa n x bg2 jugak. aku tggu dan x off laptop just nak tggu diorg htr. semlm bg satu page padahal diorg knk buat lebih 1 page. mcm mane tu? aku pun buat la kerja last minit semlm. betapa penatnya aku buat dan diorg buat donno je. aku tdo pkl 5 tp x siap lagi. tdo 4 jam dan sambong balik. mmg best giler. fine. terima kasih kerana brbuat sedemikian. haih.

tggl satu assignment lagi. ngaaaa. mmg hobi aku buat assignment je. ye la. nerd kan. nak buat mcm mane. kena srh tu srh ni. haaa. kalau bab buat kerja mcm assignment srh je la aku. aku mmg taw smua benda. haa.

ptg aku tdo. dgn harapan aku ganti balik tdo mlm tadi. haa. around ntah pkl brape aku trbgn. sbb dgr bunyi2an dlm bilik. kenape la aku ni cpt trbgn. dgr bunyi ckit bgn. haih.

hobi aku kacau org dlm rumah. especially roommate aku. setiap hari aku akan kacau. sbb setiap hari aku jumpa die. baru je tadi aku kacau die. weee. hadapi la setiap hari ye. :)

aku skrg dlm keadaan yg x btl. smua perasaan ade. marah penat dan sebagainya. kalau blh aku nak je lari kat trek sampai aku penat dan pengsan. padam trus pun xpe. lagi aku suke.

org x phm dgn aku. kenapa? sbb diorg xnak phm pasal aku. kot. aku xtaw. ape aku nak buat dan ape aku xnak buat. siapa tahu? aku mungkin annoying kdg2. tu pun ade sbb. aku mungkin diam kdg2. ade sbb. aku mungkin suka mencarut kdg2. ade sbb. haa. kalau ade org yg btl2 taw psl aku sila la angkat tgn ye. dan bgtaw ape yg anda tahu.

brapa kali dah aku try nak lupakan tp xleh. haih. kenapa aku ssh nak lupa. aku pun xtaw. dtg sendiri. bkn aku yg nak ingat. haaa.

aku nak coconut shake. please.

aku rasa mcm nak torcher org je skrg. blh x?

dah la. aku PENAT!

at last i have the guts to write this post. ive been busy lately. assignment due next next week and exam tomorrow and next week. oh god. please help me. :(

starting this week it will be a tough month for me. i have to study. a lot. and i hate it. i hope this end faster.

i feel so fucked up. i wanted to cry but i have spend all those tears until there is not enough for today. everything seems so messed up. whatever i do seems to be wrong to other people. from friends to love.

ive made mistakes. mistakes that i know i cant change anymore. its killing me. i dont like to reminisce my past because this is the part where ive been trying to forget for the rest of my life. but somehow no matter what i do it comes back to me. how i wish i could just press the erase button.

what did i do wrong and why did i do such thing?

love, why did u make me looked like and A-hole? what did i do wrong ? and why must im the one to be blame for all this thing that happen to us. no matter what i say u wont hear and no matter what i do it is still not enough. i did try to convince u and do whatever u asked me to but still u see its not enough. u wont tell me what is not enough. u dont understand love. what i do here and what i needed here. u will never understand what i need. all u know is u. only u. im trying my best love. but why cant u appreciate it? please love. try to understand me. im not after-spm girl anymore. im in university love. far far away from home sweet home. i cant just spend my money on top up only. i cant do that love. please try to understand. i need it for other things too. please understand when i say i wanted to save my budget. i cant top up everyday love. im not being haji bakhil but im trying to save my money. i cant depend too much on mummy love. i cant wasting my money buying things that i dont really need. please love. understand what im doing here. dont judge randomly. think love. for our sake.

i never forget. but sometimes im bz. i know its a lame excuse but thats all what i have to say. i didnt mean to forget but im really bz. im sorry. i know u must think that i forget about u but im not. i did looked at my calendar and mark that date. i dont know why suddenly i forget. mayb because i got exam on the next day. oh god. why did i turn to be like this. i wanna go home. i wanted to celebrate like we used to do in school. we did a lot of thing to surprise the others. different cake for different people. and different surprise. when will we be able to do that again? its have been 1 year i guess we didnt celebrate together. i miss u guys. i miss all my friends back in miri. my bestfriends my high school friends and the group.

see the pic? its just some part of it. x terkabir ku nak uplad smua gamba. ada jak blogger tok pecah sbb xpat nak nampong smua gamba.

imy u guys. seriously. mun la aku dpt blt netok mok ajak aku blt netok. tp knk tggu la. huhu.

i miss my old school time. x byk gamba ku dpt ngkah sbb byk gamba kat pc kat miri. klak la aku blt ku mbk. weee. see. lepas sekolah smua ekot hala tuju dikpun. smua g blaja kat tpt nok x sama. kakya alu jarang contact. smua bz. ya la. mun blt cuti mesti ada nok xda. sorg blt sorg x blt. sorg ya blt sorg gk x blt. mcm ya la. kan best mun smua blt serentak. ya pun masa raya jak. tp cuti raya ne da lamak. makin ari makin ckit. ujong2 cuti raya jd satu hari jak lak. ingat x masa form 5 mun bday sapa2 jak mesti beli kek kakya surprise. haha. tp bday aku jak xda. :( sbb ada hen bocorkan rahsia surprise ya kat aku. kakya aku pun g la tnyk kinah. haih. cubala aku xboh tnyk. haha. masa sekolah smua jd gengster. haha. xdala gengster ne. just x dgr kata cikgu bengkeng pa indah la. haa. ada mlh sampe cikgu nak letak jawatan la. haih. ya nang best la. haha. masa ya form 3. indu ngan cikgu ong ba. ne ndak nya netok ka. aku xda gamba nya ba. haih.masa kpa best. mlh aktiviti k org. haha. aku xda gamba masa pengakap ba. lupak ambik. gamba2 ngenak org. haha. best2. haih.

remember when we got to mulu? it was soo much fun. blt2 jak smua mdh nak g mulu gk. ada pdh nak mlh reunion kt mulu. tggu la k? hehe. it wasnt a school trip for us. sbb smua geng dikpun. apa gk. ahah. cikgu pun sporting. haa. eda. ingat x apa kta nangga masa kt mulu? kta ramey2 nangga. haha. :D

masa aku gk sklh rendah aku salu keluar g umah pina. pkl 4 jak mesti keluar terus. haha. mekorg men masak2 kat blakang umah. panggang hot dog. masak nasik nok x masak2. haha. kakya masak coklat la telo la. xda keja eh. haa. kakya main basikal raon2 sigek bumiko sampe lelah. g bukit la g tanggak la. haa. ada skali mekorg otw g tanggak nait basikal. aku ngan pina sigek basikal. kakya kaki aku masok dlm rim. haha. pina x brenti2 kayuh walaupun aku mdh brenti. sbb nya xtauk. haha. byk la keja bodo diplh mekorg. men dlm parit indah. haha. ingat x pa kita plh dlm parit sebelah umah nek aji dlk? haha.

haih. mun ku cta smua nang x ckp tempat eh ku nak tulis. mun ku kaka pun nang sampe abis aek lio ku kaka. smua ya kenangan ba. ne leh dibeli ka jual ka. ya milik peribadi. haa.

seriously. u're such a pain. this whole thing started because of u. read it. because of u. haa.

kau blame org lain sdgkan smua ni sbb kau. kalau kau x pentingkan diri sendiri kau smua ni xkan terjadi. kau ckp org tp kau x sdr pasal kau sendiri. kenapa? sbb kau selfish. kau ckp org lain dah x syg kau dah x ska kau. pnh kau trfikir kenapa org buat kau rasa mcm tu? sbb perangai kau. kau terlalu obses dgn apa yg kau ada dan ego kau yg tggi tu dah menguasai kau. kau x pnh nak tanye ape ade dlm isi hati kau. kau terus buat decision yg kau rasa patut. mmg patut. kau x kesah nak tanye kenapa org buat kau mcm tu. pegilah cerita dgn org lain yg ktorg ni jahat. dan sebarkan lah cerita yg kau nak buat so that org lain kesian dgn kau. tolonglah. kau sape ktorg nak kena ikut kata kau je. kau just manusia biasa yg hidup dlm dunia yg sama dgn ktorg. kalau ktorg ikut ape yg ktorg nak kau marah. ape ni? kenapa kau xnak bralah? kenapa ktorg je mesti bralah dgn kau? kenapa smua mesti pasal kau je? kenapa? org lain jaga hati kau tp kau x jaga pun hati org kat sekeliling kau. kau nak ape sbnrnya? cubala pk ckit. kau lebih pentingkan org lain dr org yg care dgn kau. dah berapa lama kita kenal? tp kau lebih prefer org lain gak. tu ke sahabat? sahabat ke pentingkan org lain dr sahabat sendiri? kenapa kau degil sgt xnak beralah? susah sgt ke nak beralah? dgn kwn sendiri pun xnak bralah? sampai bila kau expect ktorg nak dgr ckp kau ikut ape yg kau buat dan kena beralah dgn kau? kau nak org melutut dpn kau baru kau nak bralah? sape yg sukarela nak buat mcm tu? sape yg tahan mcm tu? go on and cry. mengadu la kat sape2. sampai kau puas hati.