sunshine above my head

at last i have the guts to write this post. ive been busy lately. assignment due next next week and exam tomorrow and next week. oh god. please help me. :(

starting this week it will be a tough month for me. i have to study. a lot. and i hate it. i hope this end faster.

i feel so fucked up. i wanted to cry but i have spend all those tears until there is not enough for today. everything seems so messed up. whatever i do seems to be wrong to other people. from friends to love.

ive made mistakes. mistakes that i know i cant change anymore. its killing me. i dont like to reminisce my past because this is the part where ive been trying to forget for the rest of my life. but somehow no matter what i do it comes back to me. how i wish i could just press the erase button.

what did i do wrong and why did i do such thing?

love, why did u make me looked like and A-hole? what did i do wrong ? and why must im the one to be blame for all this thing that happen to us. no matter what i say u wont hear and no matter what i do it is still not enough. i did try to convince u and do whatever u asked me to but still u see its not enough. u wont tell me what is not enough. u dont understand love. what i do here and what i needed here. u will never understand what i need. all u know is u. only u. im trying my best love. but why cant u appreciate it? please love. try to understand me. im not after-spm girl anymore. im in university love. far far away from home sweet home. i cant just spend my money on top up only. i cant do that love. please try to understand. i need it for other things too. please understand when i say i wanted to save my budget. i cant top up everyday love. im not being haji bakhil but im trying to save my money. i cant depend too much on mummy love. i cant wasting my money buying things that i dont really need. please love. understand what im doing here. dont judge randomly. think love. for our sake.

i never forget. but sometimes im bz. i know its a lame excuse but thats all what i have to say. i didnt mean to forget but im really bz. im sorry. i know u must think that i forget about u but im not. i did looked at my calendar and mark that date. i dont know why suddenly i forget. mayb because i got exam on the next day. oh god. why did i turn to be like this. i wanna go home. i wanted to celebrate like we used to do in school. we did a lot of thing to surprise the others. different cake for different people. and different surprise. when will we be able to do that again? its have been 1 year i guess we didnt celebrate together. i miss u guys. i miss all my friends back in miri. my bestfriends my high school friends and the group.

see the pic? its just some part of it. x terkabir ku nak uplad smua gamba. ada jak blogger tok pecah sbb xpat nak nampong smua gamba.

imy u guys. seriously. mun la aku dpt blt netok mok ajak aku blt netok. tp knk tggu la. huhu.

i miss my old school time. x byk gamba ku dpt ngkah sbb byk gamba kat pc kat miri. klak la aku blt ku mbk. weee. see. lepas sekolah smua ekot hala tuju dikpun. smua g blaja kat tpt nok x sama. kakya alu jarang contact. smua bz. ya la. mun blt cuti mesti ada nok xda. sorg blt sorg x blt. sorg ya blt sorg gk x blt. mcm ya la. kan best mun smua blt serentak. ya pun masa raya jak. tp cuti raya ne da lamak. makin ari makin ckit. ujong2 cuti raya jd satu hari jak lak. ingat x masa form 5 mun bday sapa2 jak mesti beli kek kakya surprise. haha. tp bday aku jak xda. :( sbb ada hen bocorkan rahsia surprise ya kat aku. kakya aku pun g la tnyk kinah. haih. cubala aku xboh tnyk. haha. masa sekolah smua jd gengster. haha. xdala gengster ne. just x dgr kata cikgu bengkeng pa indah la. haa. ada mlh sampe cikgu nak letak jawatan la. haih. ya nang best la. haha. masa ya form 3. indu ngan cikgu ong ba. ne ndak nya netok ka. aku xda gamba nya ba. haih.masa kpa best. mlh aktiviti k org. haha. aku xda gamba masa pengakap ba. lupak ambik. gamba2 ngenak org. haha. best2. haih.

remember when we got to mulu? it was soo much fun. blt2 jak smua mdh nak g mulu gk. ada pdh nak mlh reunion kt mulu. tggu la k? hehe. it wasnt a school trip for us. sbb smua geng dikpun. apa gk. ahah. cikgu pun sporting. haa. eda. ingat x apa kta nangga masa kt mulu? kta ramey2 nangga. haha. :D

masa aku gk sklh rendah aku salu keluar g umah pina. pkl 4 jak mesti keluar terus. haha. mekorg men masak2 kat blakang umah. panggang hot dog. masak nasik nok x masak2. haha. kakya masak coklat la telo la. xda keja eh. haa. kakya main basikal raon2 sigek bumiko sampe lelah. g bukit la g tanggak la. haa. ada skali mekorg otw g tanggak nait basikal. aku ngan pina sigek basikal. kakya kaki aku masok dlm rim. haha. pina x brenti2 kayuh walaupun aku mdh brenti. sbb nya xtauk. haha. byk la keja bodo diplh mekorg. men dlm parit indah. haha. ingat x pa kita plh dlm parit sebelah umah nek aji dlk? haha.

haih. mun ku cta smua nang x ckp tempat eh ku nak tulis. mun ku kaka pun nang sampe abis aek lio ku kaka. smua ya kenangan ba. ne leh dibeli ka jual ka. ya milik peribadi. haa.

seriously. u're such a pain. this whole thing started because of u. read it. because of u. haa.

kau blame org lain sdgkan smua ni sbb kau. kalau kau x pentingkan diri sendiri kau smua ni xkan terjadi. kau ckp org tp kau x sdr pasal kau sendiri. kenapa? sbb kau selfish. kau ckp org lain dah x syg kau dah x ska kau. pnh kau trfikir kenapa org buat kau rasa mcm tu? sbb perangai kau. kau terlalu obses dgn apa yg kau ada dan ego kau yg tggi tu dah menguasai kau. kau x pnh nak tanye ape ade dlm isi hati kau. kau terus buat decision yg kau rasa patut. mmg patut. kau x kesah nak tanye kenapa org buat kau mcm tu. pegilah cerita dgn org lain yg ktorg ni jahat. dan sebarkan lah cerita yg kau nak buat so that org lain kesian dgn kau. tolonglah. kau sape ktorg nak kena ikut kata kau je. kau just manusia biasa yg hidup dlm dunia yg sama dgn ktorg. kalau ktorg ikut ape yg ktorg nak kau marah. ape ni? kenapa kau xnak bralah? kenapa ktorg je mesti bralah dgn kau? kenapa smua mesti pasal kau je? kenapa? org lain jaga hati kau tp kau x jaga pun hati org kat sekeliling kau. kau nak ape sbnrnya? cubala pk ckit. kau lebih pentingkan org lain dr org yg care dgn kau. dah berapa lama kita kenal? tp kau lebih prefer org lain gak. tu ke sahabat? sahabat ke pentingkan org lain dr sahabat sendiri? kenapa kau degil sgt xnak beralah? susah sgt ke nak beralah? dgn kwn sendiri pun xnak bralah? sampai bila kau expect ktorg nak dgr ckp kau ikut ape yg kau buat dan kena beralah dgn kau? kau nak org melutut dpn kau baru kau nak bralah? sape yg sukarela nak buat mcm tu? sape yg tahan mcm tu? go on and cry. mengadu la kat sape2. sampai kau puas hati.

I’ve had enough.seriously la weh. don't be like a baby la! enough la. tlg la. I'm tired. watching all this scene. samapi bila? y cant u be compassion a little bit. dont expect everyone to do what u wanted to do. not every people got the same thing like u wanted. y cant u understand? the problem is u. u cant understand people's feeling but u want other people ti understand u. please la. u are not a princess n we r not ur follower or servant. grow up la. try to understand other people n try to treat people nicely. u expect us to do something for u when u did not do something for me. tell me. u have problem with other people. dont drag us to! if u hate just hate do not involve other people. until when u wanted to hate ur used to be fren? just because a simple matter both of u fight. this is madness u know! i hate someone once. we fight but now im ok with it. past is past la. enough with ur ego. let it go. understand other people's feeling if u wanted the same. face the reality. u cant just have whatever u wanted. u have to work for it. u cant expect anyone to give u every single thing that u wanted. think la. dont brag about what u have done for us. if u r not sincere with what u have done for us dont do it. we dont need it if u r not sincere. dont be selfish. do u really care about others? do u know about their feelings now? did u bother to ask? or u wanted us to asked u first? grow up please. nothing is easy in this world. do the right thing and u will get it back. karma. the way u do right now make others mad. its about u. u're the one who doesnt want to get over it. u did try but just for a while. for a few minute i guess then u'll back to ur attitude. then u'll blame us for not understanding u. hey. if u just try for a few minutes, there is no use. better dont try if u're being like that. u rather keep n do with ur attitude then be frankly with others. that is y this problem cannot be settled until now.

when will this situation ends?

hello people. i got a question for u.
there is a lump in a lump. the lump is harder than the lump.
so what is the lump?

haha. boringggg. :(

exam prob n stat dah hbs. ahernya. thank god. cptla hbs sem. wuu. :(

wuu. bosan. adoi. nasib esok kelas pkl 10 tp kelas prob n stat. tidakkkkkk!! tlg la. tlg hentikan prob n stat. waaaaa. :(

big apple ade bg kupon. yay! akan aku gunakan utk penuhkan perut aku dgn donut hari hari. :D

aku dah xde mood sgt la lately. tension kot. midterm quiz assignment. adoiii. :(

dah. enuff. penat. hopefully masok hospital. :)

it was a cold night. sbb hujan pt tadi. petir dan guntur pun kuat buat aku trbgn. isk isk.

mira dan yana dah balik. yay! welcome home. :D

so ape yg aku nak ckp ni ek. aku pun xtaw. aku main tulis je sbb aku nak tulis tp xde idea. huhu.

esok exam. waa. haruskah aku menghadapi exam tersebut? dah la prob n stat. grr. then hari khamis quiz company law. double grr. hari jumaat exam business management. double grr + arghh!. pack ar minggu ni. sob sob. cepat la minggu ni hbs. :(

seriously dude. u need to take a break. all the things that u have done does not bring any happines to u.when will u stop doing that? seriously dude. u have to think about other people's feeling. u cant just think about urself. it is so selfish. enough is enough dude. stop it. this is madness u know. why would u do such a thing? what more do u need? until when will u satisfied for what u have done? until people around u is dead and gone?think about it.

aku dah blur. waaa. dah la. nanti2 la aku buat lagi. babai.

just came home from melaka mall. jalan kaki. haha. gila la. aku keluar dgn kay yan alia n afiq g cari dress. then mira call tanye nak ikut x tgk wayang. so im like ok. we all watch confession of a shopaholic. suppose the movie started at 10.15 tp diorg beli tiket 1215. i asked kay to drop me at melaka mall. meet them at hore hore. then g mbo. watch the movie then masa nak balik tgk xde cab so jalan kaki je la. agak menakutkan la. sbb mlm n all of us are girls. dgn kereta laju n motor laju. org dlm kereta or atas motor kacau2. haih. penat ar. tp at least sampai rumah. alhamdulillah. sampai rumah smua nak mandi basuh muka smua. ye la. jaoh kot. its like going jungle trekking. haha. it is the last time we go to melaka mall to watch a late night movie without a car.

i wish i was hit by the fast car who passes us tonight

dah2. nak tdo. babai. :)

i need a dress. a black one if possible. wuu. ssh na juak jd org nok x byk dress, heels n anything for prom. it is not an actual prom for me. it is actually for law student. tp nyelit ajak la. kay mbk ba. haha. :D it is on next next week i guess. lupak juak. huhu.

ive been a stalker lately. boring ba. haha. bknnya ku ngaco org pun. i just read what people write. so salahkah tindakan itu? bknnya aku copy pun. haa. bknnya aku baca smua pun. just yg aku rasa aku nak baca. haha.

lately aku mala jak sakit palak. in this week i think 3 times already. bia ajak la. huhu. :)

just watch redline. i know i know people. its an old movie. not so old but lmk juak la. aku bok tauk ari sabtu rya n aku bok nangga rtok. haha. mun kazen aku x brk x la aku tauk. haha. pok na juak aku tok. haha. bia la. tp best juak la cta ya. mcm beysa mesti ada kereta crash then mati sbb bet all sort of things. haa.

friday the 13th the movie will be out next week according to yan la. aku mok nangga! i remember when i was in primary school i bought the part ntah brapa. i watch it.then for several weeks i cant sleep. haha. takut punya pasal. ne ndak. dak abg aku gk kaco kazen ku gk. ne ndak makin jadi. i remember masa aku darjah brapa ka. aku tgh mdk daknya tutup lampu n mdh "jason". lol. hopefully aku x tkt la nangga movie nya. amin. :) cta ya bknnya hantu2 ka pa. nya just mengejut n bunuh2. ya jak. tp aku tok trlalu pk glak ba. ne ndak. nak mdk pun tkt dlk. mala pk ne tauk ada jason ka pa kt tingkap. haa. well. budak kecik ba. haha.

tomorrow is saturday n xtauk nak plh pa. wuu. even mlm tok pun aku xtauk nak mlh pa. give me some idea.

aku rasa mcm nak maki je kau. blh x?

i need to buy lots of thing tp. haih. tkt x pake.

in my need-to-buy list

1. box. pake ngkah notes last sem. mesti tokrang pk aku mmbazir sbb blh dpt free jak. haha.
   
2. clothes. need new one. i need short. nok sampe lutut ya. haa.
   
3. lays. lamak x mkn. hehe. kt jj xda ba. isk isk.
   
4. pizza. im addicted to pizza. aww yeah!
5. ingredient for spaghetti aglio olio. dr ariya dah aku nak mlh tp x juak aku beli ingredient nya. haha.
   
6. slipper. slepa aku ya x lmk gk nakpts kali. adoi. crk kat jonker la. haha.
   
7. ink printer. mhl ba nok ori. tp mun beli nok refill sama ya juak cpt abis. lelah ajak nekan kdk nekan dadah (sbb pakai jarum khas for those who doesnt know. ada jak aku dicop isap dadah lak. IM NOT OK! I DONT TAKE DRUGS.) waiting for pc fair. arap2 murah la. huhu.
8. holga multicolour. i need it badly. haha. colournya menarik minat hati ku. apaka. haha.
9. new bedsheet. boring dah aku dgn bedsheet tok. bkn aku x pnh tka tp duak2 boring ba. aku mok bed sheet lembu kat jj ya!
10. black cardigan. seriously i need one. haih.
    

dah2. ckp buat masa ini. haha.

ok la. dah la. pjg dah cta. babai. :D

br je balik dr tgk fast n furious 4. best ar. tgk diorg racing. mcm nak tgk lagi je. nanti ar beli cd. hehe. g dgn diorg yana. 1st g jj. mkn kat kfc then jln2. ade satu seluar ni aku nak beli tp kotor. nak tuka tp dah xde saiz. sob sob. :( xpe la. huhu.

minggu ni 2 kali dah aku malu.

• 1st case.

aku br balik dr g mkn dgn housemate aku. kat situ org kdy tu pasang tv cte yg ganti spa q tu. aku x taw name die. ade lagu faizal tahir yg cuba kot. aku pun x taw name lagu tu. then lepas mkn aku g kelas. mase tu hujan so pakai la payung. then dah sampai campus aku jalan n dgn selambe aku g nyanyi "siapa sebenarnya aku pada mu" sambil tutup payung aku. aku nyanyi sbb nak hilang rasa tkt (konon la) then tba2 aku mcm trfikir ade ke x org kat blakang. skali tgk mmg ade. ade sorg cina ni kat blakang aku. aku pun trdiam. mesti die ingat aku ni gila sbb nyanyi sorg2 dgn kuat. haha

• 2nd case

hari rabu. aku n yan nak g kelas pkl 2. ktorg g awal. xde la awal sgt. 10 minit b4 pkl 2 je. then dah sampai kat dpn kelas aku pun dgn selambe bkk pintu. aku bkk pintu aku tgk org kt duduk dpn n tgh brdiri kat board. aku ingat la die classmate aku. then aku tgk smua mcm bkn org yg aku knl. barula aku taw aku slh masuk kelas. nasib baik aku trus ttp pintu n keluar mase lecturer tu tgk. org yg aku ingat classmate aku yg brdiri kat board tu la lecturer. haha. yan dah gelak hbs dah. haih. lepas tu ktorg g sembunyikan diri sampai smua blah. haha.

starting this month everybody will be bz. i mean we in mmu melaka campus. foundation people start their business week. some invent their own food n design n some just buy n sell. get what i mean? buy n sell is like u buy a large amount of chips n sell to other people just like that. haa. its nice to see how they create their own business which they have to go around the campus because they are not allowed to have a booth.

as for me. i have lots of assignment. n mid term exam n final is coming. grr. assignment due next week n next2 week n in may. hopefully there will be no more. i repeat. no more assignment. please. enuff with the midterm. im tired. penat. haa.

im addicted to this one song from slumdog millionaire. i keep singing it. haha. best ba. jgn jak aku g nyanyi lagu ya kuat2 otw g kelas gk. nang org cop aku gila la lkk ya. haa.

i wish to go back to the hospital again.

dah la. aku nak tdo dah. nite. :)