sunshine above my head

i am not the friendliest or funniest person on earth. when i meet new people in my life, i'll smile during the first, second and more meet and talk a little bit. i am just not the talkative one when it comes to meeting new people. you see, i am trying to be friendly but sometimes i just don't now what topic to talk about because i am afraid i might hurt their feelings. i wanted to talk but i don't want to be self-obsessive. i tried to make conversations but i guess it was not my best.

i am the one who always keep the feeling inside my shell. i seldom speak about problems because i don't want to drag or think or worry or whatever. i think keeping it to myself is the best because no one will know when i'll cry. i know this is not healthy but i have to because this is who i am. but i guess by keeping to myself and not sharing story to my friends makes them move farther from me. i am not saying but some. i could not make myself talking about love problems with anyone because i don't know how to start to talk about it. sometimes i become scared. scared knowing what is in the mind of the listener and their assumption towards me.

i am not a goody good girl. not a pious one either. im trying my best to live the best life, to change from past for the better future. sometimes what is in the past hold me to have a better future.

i am the one who don't know how to act and when to act. when someone is devastated, i just don't know how to calm them down. i just don't know what words to say and how to make that someone happy again. i think before i say but sometimes i don't know whether my thoughts are acceptable or not.

i am the one who cares for the person i love. i do really care. i just do not show much. no one knows what happened in my heart and my mind whether it is stormy, cloudy or sunny. i have my own way to show that i care but people might not realize it. somehow i feel like i might annoy people that i love and care.

i envy people who are friendly and can entertain their friendly really well. i can do that too but sometimes im afraid that my attitude might not be pleasant to them. that is the reason why you would see me being a shy and quiet person. i do not know when will i be transforming from a shy caterpillar into a friendly butterfly. it is not easy when u have low self confident.