sunshine above my head

there's lots of things that i wish i can have like others but all i can do is hope and pray.

have you ever felt that you have done the right thing, the best for someone but you think that what you have done is actually not the best for them?
this is what i feel right now.

i'm sorry if i annoy you, do not talk much, not friendly and funny, or whatevs.
this is who i am. i am not the best.

hey hey. it's been a while ya? today is the first day of chinese new year, so yeah,
Happy Chinese New Year! :)

i have always wanted wrote this in this blog but i guess i did not have the guts or time to write it.

you see, for almost 22 years im living in this world, i have always heard about people traveling to different places. me? i have only been to kuala lumpur and melaka (this considered regularly since i studied in melaka), port dickson, cameron highland, johor, singapore,kota kinabalu and brunei (just pass-by) once and went to bintulu,mukah,sibu for a stop by just because we were on our way to kuching. i have never been to any other part of Malaysia. and this saddens me.

i love to travel but i never get the chance to fly to somewhere other than Malaysia. my parents both are businessman so it is hard for our family to go for a vacation. when my mum wants to go to kuala lumpur, my dad have to stay in miri, vice versa. i guess the only time when we went for a family vacation is when the first time we went to Melaka to send my brother to MMU and next is my turn to MMU. even during my graduation day, they only stayed in Putrajaya for 2 days 1 night just because they were worried about their business.

i have always dream of being in the city of Rome, sitting in the boat in Venice, eating spaghetti and ride Vespa in Italy, see the Eiffel Tower in France, going to several places in United Kingdom, went to Miami beach, Las Vegas, Los Angeles and the bridge in San Francisco, see the culture and kangaroos in Aussie and New Zealand, the beautiful beach in Gold Coast, eating takoyaki or sushi or ramen or miso soup in Japan, rest at Bali or shops at Bandung and Jakarta, and not forgetting perform my hajj in Mekah.

i guess im just a dreamer. how can i go to all these places? if only im a rich person. whenever i saw people tweet or update their facebook saying they are going somewhere for holiday, no matter it is inside or outside Malaysia, i would be so jealous. true story. i would say "oh my, lucky you. when will it be my turn" every time in my heart. if i could not travel in Malaysia, how can i travel outside Malaysia right?

i always thought of going somewhere with boyfriend, like in the long distance relationship 5983 video in youtube. they went for a holiday together in a flight and they just spend time together. we used to go cameron highland together with his brother but for only one night. i always wanted to asked him to go to KL together just for a day trip but i know his answers will be. we could not travel to kl by using his car because of the condition and time constrain. you might say "why dont u used the bus?" i did ask him though but it is hard to travel using bus if u want to go lots of places. we used to go to Shah Alam for my bestfriend's doa selamat at her house. we travel from Melaka to Shah Alam at noon and we went back at night. we should be back in the evening but we didnt realize time moves really fast. but it was fun though. only both of us with random plan. random plan always the best plan. someday we will do something like this again.

i have lots of things that i need to accomplish including the traveling part.
for now, i can only be a dreamer but someday i might accomplish it.
Insyaallah.

happy 2nd Anniversary <3!

it's our day!

yeah. we're officially 2 years now.
how time flies. :)
this is the longest relationship i have been to and i hope it will last long
till death do us apart :)

i still can remember the day when he proposed to me on July 29, 2009
and i still remember how our friends tease us when they can sense that he likes me and the way they freaked out when we coupled.

i still remember that day we met at ps, all of us ate together. he came late with dayat. we didnt talk to each other (because im mad at him for going away during chat the night before).
after lunch dila was walking with me, going back to our house
and she said that he likes me.
i already knew and i like him too, but i keep it a secret.
seriously nobody knew about it.
when she tease me with him all i can do is laugh and said "no way, mane ade, macam mana u taw?" ahahaha :)

we always met at abraar. having shisha with friends. but none of them knew that we chat every night since the day i found him at fb. he told me he acted like he doesnt know me to start a conversation.
we exchange song by zee avi , kantoi since it was a hit song at that time. he already knew and he already have that song but still he asked it from me. :)

on 29 july 2009, i was in my room when i get a phone call from him. he asked me to go for a late night dinner with friends. i remeber saying " xnak la, diorg xde ajak i pun" then suddenly a message comes in from kay saying about the late night dinner. then i said ok and he picked me up, with dayat in his compact red car. all of us, in separate cars, went to K9. we sit next to each other and he's being quiet all the time because our friends teased him. i remember he wears a blue shirt at that time with "recycle girls". then after dinner we went back and all of them had planned that me and him in one car and all of them in the other car. still they want to tease us. i remember dayat do not know to follow whom because he asked him to stay with us and others asked him to follow them. eventually dayat followed them since they asked dayat to give us privacy. during the 10 or 5 minutes journey back home, we had a small talk. he's being shy and all. later that night we chat for a while and he proposed to me. :)

now, here we are. 2 years after he proposed.
still loving each other.
we've been through a lot and it does not break us apart
i love u Syuja'uddin Shahruddin
i really do and i do love you very much. :)

hello sunshine.
its been a while since i update u right. so today is the time for me to update with u ok?

i've lots of stuff in my mind right now. assignments, muet, practical, searching for new house, final exam and more. yes. i'm a student. that is why im thinking about all these stuff. less than one month i will fly back to my hometown which is miri and i wont be back until october (maybe). because i have to do my practical at petronas lutong. yeah. i'll be leaving john lennon and my friends here in melaka. dont worry. i'll be back for my presentation and insyaallah for my degree. but i have to find a new house first. dammit. -.-

i wish i can go anywhere but not here. perhaps somewhere far away. i just need to go somewhere. maybe to the sea or anywhere la. i need to rest my mind. my mind is full of my thoughts and i cant get it out of my head.

this is not for john lennon. but i know he knows who am i talking about:
i wish u could accept me for who i am. i dont expect you to accept me immediately but u just dont want to try to know more about me. indeed i made a mistake. i know it is big and i could not say anything to make it right. im speechless. i dont know when will u accept me but i'll be waiting for it. i wish i have a time machine and rewind the time and erase that thing that has happened. i know it is hard for u to forgive and forget. it is hard for me too.
oh bloggie. what should i do?

i want to be beautiful. sometimes i looked at myself in the mirror and say wtf am i wearing? im jealous when i see people dress up nicely and i wish i could do the same. im the one who always paired my jeans with some tshirt that i bought at fos for few ringgit. because im not used to wear dress, skirt or any fashionable clothes. u see. i have only one black dress that i have used at kay's bday party, going out with john lennon and other occasion. i have never wear leggings. i have only one short and most of my clothes are tshirts. seriously. when i open my closet i just dont know what to wear. yes. i know the solution is to go buy new clothes but i dont know how to pair it with this or that. yes. i do not know much about fashion. -.-"

bloggie. i cant sleep and i dont feel like sleeping. what should i do bloggie?

i guess i have to force myself to sleep. i think this is enough for today.
goodnight people.
:)

masihkah aku yang kau puja
bila smua nya gundah gulana?

masihkah aku yg ada di hati
bila smuanya tidak seperti dulu lagi?

masihkah kau dapat lihat
dimana kita di masa akan datang?

bintang tidak lagi bersinar
seperti yg pernah aku lihat
bulan itu tidak lagi mengeluarkan cahaya
gelap gelita

aku berjalan di merata tempat
untuk mencari jawapan
persoalan itu tidak lagi hilang
seperti yg aku mahukan

mungkin bukan aku sang matahari mu
mungkin bukan aku bulan dan bintang mu
mungkin bukan aku yg boleh menceriakan hari hari mu
dan mungkin juga akulah yg terakhir dalam fikiran mu

mulut terkunci
hati terluka
jiwa meronta
tiada siapa yang akan tahu mengapa

i love you.

because im deeply in love with u.
seriously i do.

we've been through ups and downs a lot
and that wont make us separated.
i will stand by your side.
no matter how hard it will looks like
no matter what it could cost me
because you are the only one that i want.
only you and no one else.

i love you
i cherish you
i adore you.
even before you ask me the question
even before i answered yes to the question
i know you are the one for me

you are the reason for me
to wake up every morning
to continue living my life
you are my sunshine
you are my brightest star at night
you are my everything.

i love you.
this feelings won't fade away
because it will be stronger
for the rest of my life.

i love you syuja'uddin shahruddin.
thank you.
for loving me too. :)

kosong.

hello dear bloggie.

i cant online in my room. since the internet sucks. or maybe it is just my laptop. ngaaa. lepas format terus xleh on9. ngaaaa. skrg tgh tggu streamyx. tp x dpt lagi. ngaaa

im having surgery. i didnt expect i have to go for a surgery but i have too. i dont know when. ngaaa. lots of things to settle. wish me luck people.

a lot of things has changed. i dont know why. some seems better some seems worse. what's wrong? why did this happened? i know u might say it happened for a reason. but some is getting worse. what is the reason for something to get worse?

this sem im having introduction to international business subject since it wont be offered in the next sem which is the last sem for me. the lecturer which is mr thevendran is good at his job. i love his class. seriously. it is fun though. he treat us like adults not children. he didnt teach us using slides. he gaves us some activities which is fun and make us open our mind. :D

enough for today.
i'll tell u more later.